When faced with the road you don't want to retravel

The loss of a beloved parent is traumatic for a child no matter what their age. But when there is no love, the emotions take a different form. Waking up to find the police knocking at your door in the middle of the night to inform you of the suicide of one of your parents can force you to relive a childhood you would, for the most part, rather forget. You face a road you don't want to retravel but you have no choice and you know you have to open your eyes and face what you walked away from.

To say there are no emotions for the death of an unloved parent is incorrect. The emotions swell and crash. It feels as if they will never stop haunting you. They are undefinable aside from the rage, but that rage was always just below the surface. Yet little by little, those emotions are defined and the unanswered becomes clear. Suddenly you discover what you felt, what you thought, what you walked away from really existed. You learn one thing - you made the right choice all those years ago and because of that choice you became the person your parent would never be rather than becoming your parent.

A good friend of mine in Nevada told me to put my thoughts into words, but my words on this are still too harsh. Instead, I will use someone else's words....

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It's a pity, it's a crying shame.
He pulled you down again.
How painful it must be
To bruise so easily inside.

It's a pity, it's a downright crime.
But it happens all the time.
You wanna stay a little girl.
Wanna hide from the vicious world outside.

But don't cry.
Know the tears will do no good, so dry your eyes.

Your daddy he's the iron man.
A battleship wrecked on dry land.
Your mama she's a bitter bride.
She'll never be satisfied.
Do you know? And that's not right.

But don't cry.
Know the tears will do no good, so dry your eyes.

They told you life is hard. It's misery from the start.
It's dull, it's slow, it's painful.
I tell you life is sweet in spite of the misery.
There's so much more to be grateful for.

Well, who do you believe?
Who will you listen to?
Who will it be?
It's high time that you decide in your own mind.

I've tried to comfort you.
Tried to tell you to be patient.
They are blind.
They can't see.
Fortune gonna come some day.
All gonna fade away.

Your daddy the war machine.
And your mama the long and suffering,
Prisoner of what she cannot see.
For they told you life is hard.
It's misery from the start.
It's dull, it's slow, it's painful.
But I tell you life is sweet in spite of the misery.
There's so much more to be grateful for.

Who do you believe?
Who will you listen to? Who will it be?
Because it's high time you decide.
It's time you make up your own sweet little mind.

Oh they told you life is long. Be thankful when it's done.
Don't ask for more, you should be grateful.
But I tell you life is short, be thankful.
Because before you know it will be over.
'Cause life is sweet and life is also very short.
Your life is sweet .

"Life Is Sweet" ~ Natalie Merchant

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Oooh I believe that Fate smiled and
Destiny laughed as she came to my cradle
"Know this child will be able"
Laughed as she came to my mother
"Know this child will not suffer"
Laughed as my body she lifted,
"Know this child will be gifted,
With love, with patience, and with faith, she'll make her way, she'll make her way.

"Wonder" ~ Natalie Merchant

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Kathy